I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
