spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
