She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
