Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
