The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
