I cockslap morals
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
