sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
