mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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