discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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