I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you will always have a special place in my vag
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
