I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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