She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
