He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
