Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
