Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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