once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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