It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
