My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
