dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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