my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
