You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
