why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
