i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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