Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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