Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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