i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Watching her eat just hurts me
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
