At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
