You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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