Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I can't put those talents on a resume
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
