How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
