i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
