whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
