I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
