I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
