So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
