remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
