Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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