Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
