Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
