its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
