The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
