Betty ford says i'm here all night
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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