I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
