Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
