So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
