Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
