We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I enjoy the company of your penis
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