you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
