I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
