Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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