you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
