shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
